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How do I heal?



 

The hate I had for myself was great. I hate to see myself in the mirror. I disgust myself because how do I explain this incidence to myself? I had myself to battle with. The hate now is not on the person who raped me. He was even the least of my problems.

I was just too gullible to be raped twice in two years. I hate to see myself in the mirror. I felt ugly and stupid. All I was seeing in the mirror was a stupid girl and nothing more. I was like that for months, and I didn't want to associate with anyone. I kept my distance from everyone as much as I could. 

Four months after the incident, I was on my way to church when I saw him. He packed and said he wanted to give me a ride. I told him no, that I was fine, and he said I know you don't want me to have you once more, and I want to do that as much as I can. I burst into tears immediately because it reminded me of the first idiot.

I hated myself more, and I could only see myself as a subject of pleasure. The view of myself played in my head for months. I started feeling sick and discovered I was pregnant. I did know who to talk to, so I was taking on a lot of things. Both from what I heard from people and from what I was on Facebook. I don't want to have a child under any circumstances. Not even in this world of hate.

Keeping my distance from everyone didn't make them notice what was going on. I don't talk or play with my siblings, at least. One month after taking different things, I was lucky to have a miscarriage. It was so painful, and my sisters thought it was cramps. I had painkillers, and I felt much better. I bled for 2 weeks, and I was going lean. I had to result from some blood tonic we had at home; they didn't understand why. I only told them I wanted to add weight.

The blood stopped after 2 weeks, and my real journey began.

You can drop your comment and share your experience in the comment session or send mail to this blogger. I'm sure more people have stories to share.

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