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First Attempt





Ever since I was exposed to sensitive videos as a child, I've always wanted to put everything I saw into practice. I had an uncontrollable urge and  couldn't wait to get over it. These scenes keep playing in my head and they are so uncomfortable.

I thought getting over it would put an end to everything that was going  on in my mind, so I started the journey. I started by reading a blog post about different ways to have sex without getting pregnant and I also read about abortion otherwise.

 I can gain knowledge about almost anything by predicting my first period. When I was 12 years old, I had my first period. It's 3 months to 13 and I'm so happy because I want to end this suffering.

 During this time, I was deep into masterbation and my first period lasted  38 days. My mum was very scared, but I wasn't. I just missed my period a few months later. The masturbation continued and I had my first boyfriend at age 14. He was a University student so we're not in the same city. I really love him, but I need a man by my side. I flirted with people  my own age until I finished high school.

 I enrolled in a skills training program and met Olaitan. A dark and cute young man. I like him and he loves me. So in the end, I think I got what I wanted. I flirted with him and he didn't  touch me because I was a virgin. I begged and bothered him for weeks until he agreed.

 The first attempt was so painful that I asked him to stop. We couldn't finish it that day so we didn't talk about it for weeks. I brought up  the subject again and he said he would think of something.

Days later, he suggested using lube, but he didn't want to buy any so we used Versline. It happened suddenly and we used condoms. At that time I had no regrets because that was all I wanted. The pain is still there so I didn't want to continue.

 I felt normal for a week, but the urge came back stronger. It's more than what I was feeling before my first sex and I'm out of ideas on what to do.


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